The Impossible Challenge Made Possible?

Today's topic exemplifies the reason I made this blog. There's simply too much out there and it all seems to contradict. For this post I tackle the classic question of losing fat while building muscle, also known as:

Recompositioning.

Let me cut to the punchline - if you're at a calorie deficit (and/or the scale is going down), but you're lifting heavier... You're doing it.

Everyone seems to be in agreement this is possible for newbies or those recently returning to fitness. No one seems to agree whether you can successfully train in this way beyond that. Some say it's absolutely not going to happen, others argue it is possible, but striving for both limits the rate at which you lose fat/gain muscle. Some state that it's perfectly achievable when timing/nutrition/training strategies are properly used.

Let me again cut to the punchline - if you're at a calorie deficit (and/or the scale is going down), but you're lifting heavier... You're doing it. If not, time for adjustments.

I am especially confused by this topic, as every argument seems to be citing research. For those who agree it is possible, there seems to be some general trends:

1. Let's get the obvious, in every fitness article ever, out of the way - Sleep/fish oil.

2. Eat lots of protein. I have seen everything from .8-2x your body weight, and some use those figures just for lean body weight. Even at my 165lbs (~122.1lbs lean according to my who-knows-if-it's-accurate scale), that puts me at anywhere from 97.7 - 330g. That's about as useful as the test of premorbid (preinjury) functioning we psychologists sometimes administer, which had a confidence interval so wide that a score could range from a severe intellectual disability to unbelievably gifted genius. "Um... so your estimated premorbid FSIQ score of 100 was at or above 50% of your same-aged peers, with a confidence interval of 60-140...." Anyway, protein. I've heard these high figures are required to have adequate building material to repair and build muscles after workouts. I've also heard that these figures are absurd and unnecessary, as told by a registered dietician. I tend to subscribe to a third opinion; we may not need so much protein, but the high numbers are necessary in order to meet our calorie goals without going overboard on carbs and fat. For me, the latter makes the most sense for the carb stuff I'm about to talk about.

3. My last post covered insulin sensitivity, glycemic index/load, and the role of glucose. Building on these concepts, many sources suggested low carbs on non-lifting days, higher carbs on weight days. Nothing new there. I've seen carb cycling tossed around many times. The added component I learned was potentially using carbs up to 30 minutes prior to exercise, during a workout, and of course, carb loading post-workout. One source said to treat the pre-lifting period as low carb, and the post-workout period as the only window for high carb. That same article recommended workouts later in the day, but with plenty of time before bedtime. I didn't see this advise elsewhere so it doesn't get its own bullet.

4. Pick up and put down really heavy things about 3 days a week.

5. Cardio, but no one agreed on what kind. Everyone discussed High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT), but others suggested also including long intervals and low impact sustained cardio (i.e. walking on a treadmill at a steep incline for 45 minutes). In a future post, I'm sure I will discuss this trifecta of cardio as a means to improve overall run times. I've seen it pop up many places as the best way to train, even if your goal is distance running. Stand by for more on that at a later date.

6. Lots of brand-promoting supplements. Everyone seemed to recommend green tea, but some mentioned the research shows it shouldn't be the caffeine-free kind...... if I didn't know green tea had many established health benefits, I'd question that specifier more. Caffeine made a lot of lists too. Shocking. I saw a lot of articles include Alpha Lipoic Acid (ALA), but I know nothing about it, so I will not comment further. Some said Conjugated Linoleic Acid (CLA), but I have it on good authority if any effects of CLA supplementation are noted, they are minimal and take a long, long time.

7. Saunas or other heat sources (or the exact opposite i.e. ice bath). I only saw this on T-Nation, but their articles always make me laugh out loud, so it can have its own number. Also, increased body temp during the day has been shown to increased sleep quality at night (see post From Freud to Fitness). Better quality and adequate sleep was number one on this list, soo...

Of note, many sites suggested that even though it may be possible to do both simultaneously, it may not be worth it. Going back to the spectrum of opinions, attempting to achieve both goals may slow the rate of progress. I haven't investigated the strategies of bulking vs. cutting thoroughly, but it's a surplus/deficit game, and I know they both involve heavy lifting. All the sources I saw advised against really high rep lifting; without looking into it further, I presently have no comment. 

Lucky for me all speculation is irrelevant because I am newly back in the consistent training game and I am still in that window of being able to do both effectively! This list is mainly for me to maximize my time in this phase. 

Sweet Science

Insulin Sensitivity.

The newest term in a long line of humbling information teaching me that no matter how much I learn, I still am a nobody and the body is really freaking complicated.

Before continuing, let's clear something up. I am not a chemist nor am I a nutritionist. I took gen chem and half of organic chem in college, and have biochemists in my family....but I am not a chemist and I don't remember much. I know jussst enough to see a molecule, read about it, and kind of get what they're saying.

So here's my just enough knowledge to translate into real, practical information. I just have the chemical structures because I like them and am a visual learner.

Now a lot of talk about sugar before I talk about insulin, the real topic at hand. I'll get there eventually. There is SO MUCH more to this topic and I went down many rabbit holes writing this blog. This is not called Scientific Journal, this is called Map to Fitness. This is my futile attempt at understanding the complex world of nutrition and fitness. I'd like to think there's decent information here, and by explaining concepts I am forced to understand them better. Also, there are many things that end in "ose," the suffix associated with sugar, that I do not discuss. I'll talk a little about simple sugars vs. complex carbs and really for this blog, that's enough for now.

Enough disclaimers.

We have all heard we need to avoid high fructose corn syrup!! But why? And are all forms of fructose bad? Doesn't the body need sugar to operate?

Correct. I knew the brain operates on "sugar" to function, and the body will create molecules from other sources in order to survive when necessary. This is the basic premise of the Ketogenic Diet, which insists on depriving people of all carbs in order to undergo ketogenesis, which in very simple terms uses fat to create ketones to compensate (NOTE- I tried figuring out if the ketones then undergo reactions to become glucose and couldn't find anything easy to understand. It doesn't really matter for the purpose of this blog). I am not a fan of that diet, at all, but that is a post for another day.

I digress. Glucose is really a form of sugar that the body likes and uses well. It is used for immediate energy, it feeds the brain, it travels in our blood (what we mean when we talk about blood sugar levels), it can be stored in muscles, and it gets stored in the liver as glycogen aka energy reserves. Like anything else, too much of a good thing is a bad thing, and you don't want that getting too high either. That's when you start storing it as fat. Fat, from an evolutionary perspective, is a great storage system; if and when times get hard and food is scarce, your body can use fat for energy! This is what happens when we are in a caloric deficit and how we lose weight. So, glucose is used efficiently for energy and energy storage, but we only need reasonable amounts.

As you can see in the structures to the left, fructose looks a little different. If you're unfamiliar with ochem, don't' worry.  In very unscientific terms, there is a ring of 6 things in glucose, and a ring of 5 things in fructose. The carbon that is not being used in the ring in fructose is pulled out and adds a little extra bulk on the outside. The molecular formulas are the same, C6H12O6, but the structures are different. This can have a huge impact on how the body processes these molecules. Apparently, unlike glucose, fructose is only processed in the liver and has been found to be much more lipogenic (fat producing). From what I've been reading, it does not trigger insulin (it does not need insulin to be processed),  and has been shown to lead to insulin resistance. More on that later.  Fructose also appears to not produce leptin, which is a hormone telling your brain that you're full and fed. Leptin is associated with energy expenditure and balance, and some studies suggest that chronic fructose exposure may lead to leptin resistance. In this case, your body has high levels of a hormone saying hey, I'm full, but the brain doesn't process it and so you eat more.

Sucrose, aka table sugar, in simple terms consists of these two molecules combined (with one less Oxygen). When you eat sugar your body breaks this molecule down into the two components. Glucose is processed and used for energy, as described above, and any excess of glucose and fructose is then essentially stored as fat. So when people say they're having healthy sugar because it's some raw "natural sugar," okay. But you're still essentially getting fructose!


Now that we've discussed the molecules just a little bit, we can explore something called the glycemic index (GI) of foods. Essentially, this refers to how food impacts blood glucose levels. High GI foods enter the bloodstream very rapidly because they tend to be simpler in structure and result in a rapid insulin spike. Remember how sucrose is broken down to glucose and fructose? It's that type of concept, only other molecules are much larger, involve more complex processes, break down at different times in the digestive process, etc. etc. Insulin can help shuffle glucose into muscle and be used for immediate energy, but it can also help things store as fat easier. GI is typically discussed in terms of <55 is low, Moderate is 50-70, and High is >70.

Looking at a chart of GI is not sufficient, however. I won't get into how they label GI foods, but suffice to say it's based on a certain amount of each food, not the actual serving size. Glycemic Load (GL), on the other hand, evaluates the effect based on actual portions. This changes the story dramatically. GL is 0-10 Low, 11-19 Moderate, and 20+ high. While both are useful in their way, I do not currently know why GI would ever be discussed without GL. For example, according to a chart from Harvard (cited below),  watermelon may have a GI of 72 (High!), but a GL of 4 (Low). The chart below shows this nicely. There's a lot of added complexity too, depending on what you eat in your meal. If you eat a high GI food, but it's paired with something low GI (i.e. fibrous foods), it can slow digestion and the rate/amount of glucose in the blood.


[[[Harvard has a user-friendly chart for some more common foods on their site (Click here). If you want to see a fairly exhaustive list, the above link's information is based on this 2008 study by Fiona S. Atkinson, RD, Kaye Foster-Powell, RD, and Jennie C. Brand-Miller, Ph.D. (Scroll down to the supplementary information).]]]

Okay. Now that we've talked about all of that, I get to my point!!!

When we eat carbs, our blood sugar rises. Insulin is a hormone released by the pancreas in response. Insulin then strolls around the blood telling other cells to pick up the glucose. Cells can be more or less responsive to insulin. If less, the pancreas starts shooting out more insulin and over time this can hurt the pancreas and result in high levels of blood sugar and insulin. Eventually, the pancreas can be damaged and blood sugar rises even more.

Increased fat intake/development can contribute significantly to this. I like to imagine fat as greedy, mafia like cells that steal the glucose before other cells get a chance. Biochemically this is probably not correct, but the personification works for me. There's more to it, but that's enough for now. Thin people can be insulin resistant too, as other factors can contribute like fructose intake (sound familiar?), inflammation, inactivity, and of course, genetics. Inulin resistance causes a whole host of problems.

Insulin sensitivity refers to the extent to which your body uses glucose "well." So, million dollar question, how do we improve our sensitivity?

REDUCE SUGAR: If you didn't get that from this post, I have failed you.

LOW GI/GL FOODS: Hopefully you saw this one coming too.

TIMING: Post-workouts seems to be when we're most insulin sensitive (see addendum on my Best News Ever post)

LOSE FAT: If there are less mafia-like visceral fat cells to nab the glucose, more can be used for muscle storage!

EXERCISE: Not only does exercise help you lose weight directly, it also does something with the cell receptors (i.e. marathon runners' insulin use is so well used that blood sugar is quickly used and the pancreas reduces insulin release).

OMEGA 3's: nothing to see here. Look at any "how to" in the health world and you'll see these.

SLEEP/STRESS REDUCTION: look at my previous posts. I don't know about this specifically, but it sure makes sense. As a clinical psychologist in training, I could go on and on about how these two affect physical health and well-being.

INTERMITTENT FASTING: I guess. I don't know anything about it. But Dr. Jim Stoppani said so in a recent post I saw on bodyspace and other articles on insulin sensitivity have suggested the same thing. This is the article that did me in for this whole freaking post. One thing led to another... Here's Jim's guide on IF

I saw some other things too: magnesium, donating blood regularly, stop smoking, and eating "whole" foods (source), and chromium potentially helps especially insulin resistant populations.

And there you have it. Insulin Sensitivity. Direct health benefits. Reducing risk for many medical concerns. Maximizing the use of your caloric intake.

From Freud to Fitness

I have shocking news that will revolutionize the world of fitness!

I don't. I've just managed to loose about 5 pounds in 2 weeks by counting calories/macros while lifting only. 

I am proud of this accomplishment, especially since working out is a formal commitment; I am committed to 63 hours per week (class, research, practicum), plus about 20 hours a week of homework outside of class. Three 15 hour days are exhausting - mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, basically all of the "ally"'s. It's not even 15 at one site. I travel across Chicagoland, from north, to west, to central, back north, and I have to be on my game everywhere I go. I'm literally diagnosing people at my practicum, under supervision of course, so what I do actually matters in the long-term of people's lives. By Friday I have very little brain capacity left. Yesterday I tried to get extra vinegar and easy oil on my sandwich as subway, but couldn't get out the words. "Extra oil. Easy vinegar. No. That's not right. Extra oil. Wait, no. Extra oil. Shit. No..."

While my current schedule is beyond draining, I genuinely believe lifting has helped me regain my sanity and provides some emotional stability. I have next to no control over so many things, and normal life responsibilities float over my head relentlessly. A friend had planned to come into town this weekend for the holiday and I had to tell him I couldn't host. I felt terrible, but I have 3 out of town weddings in 4 weeks, one of which I am in. This week, I'm helping at a huge memorial day event on Sunday, and have to somehow finish 3 weeks worth of assignments. Sorry to dump all my baggage. I'm going somewhere with this I promise. 

Ironically, committing time to the gym (and the occasional blog) makes managing time easier. Furthermore, I believe my cognitive lapse at Subway would be far more common without the beautiful grounding provided by the gym. I have the science to support this claim too. Ready?

1.) Exercise increases body temperature, which is associated with prolonged periods of deep sleep (stage 3 and 4). Deep sleep is associated with cognitive and muscular recovery, and memory storage. By the transitive property, working out helps me retain information learned at practicum and in class, and helps me stay focused/functional during the day. 

2.) Biologically, the human body operates in cycles. Most know of the 24 hour circadian rhthym (this is approximate, it's really 22-26 in humans). However, we have shorter cycles too, which is why most of us experience a slump circa 2pm and we're told to get up and move around every 90 minutes or so. When working for long periods of time, like the 12+ hour day I have today of studying, taking a solid break is actually associated with increased productivity overall. I recently read an article, which reflected many, many others I have read, of the importance of recovery time for mental processes. Instead of cramming work into the hour break I have on some of my 15 hour days, I've decided to use my school's "fitness" room, which is basically a small dance/yoga studio, and creatively fit in my workout for the day. Recharge mentally for class to follow. 

3.) Recharge mentally? Grounding in the present. This is a basic tenet of Mindfulness. Perhaps you've seen this word on adult coloring books in the check out isle. Basically, Mindfulness operates on the same principles known for years, just called different things depending. The idea is that we all have so much shit to worry about, to dwell/ruminate on, to stress over, etc. that our bodies and minds need a break from it all. Instead of living and focusing in the past or future, take some time in the present. Mindfulness is a fancy word meaning focus on one thing in the present, that's it. It can be coloring, okay, or meditation, watching breathing, playing sports, exercising, whatever works. If you've ever called IT, you know their advise is to turn it off and back on. I turn my brain off for an hour and lift heavy things. 

4.) The endorphin release during exercise produces an analgesic effect, which creates the sensation of pleasure through, or covering, the experience of pain. Other feel good neurotransmitters are released, probably through the pride and general bad-assidry associated with working out (I am fairly confident I know which neurotransmitters are involved in this process, but why risk saying something incorrectly when anyone who happens to stumble on here probably doesn't care). Basically, most of the time, a workout will leaving you feeling happier, prouder, and more bad ass than you felt before. Happy people do good work. 

5.) Speaking of self-perception, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. With the advent of social media and smart technology, we have more means and access to the best parts of other people. I will note that I particularly hate Instagram because I feel my friends who post regularly are too busy getting the right photo to actually enjoy what they're doing. Despite the quality of living being leaps and bounds better than any other period in history, people are significantly less happy, more depressed, more anxious, and more self-harming. Why are we surprised by this? I love lifting because your only competition is yourself. Even those who compete have to see themselves as winners; I know that statement sounds cheesy, but if you've ever seen what a bodybuilding competition looks like, you'd understand. They all look unbelievably incredible. Frankly, when I look at a magazine when I'm in a fitness slump, I think wow. I'll never look like them. When I look at a magazine when I'm consistently working out and eating well I become indifferent to the pictures, or motivated by fit people. I'm doing what I can to be healthy. There's literally nothing else I can do, aside from tweaking things. I have found myself on facebook far, far less. I just don't care. 

In summary, I'm happier and more productive, I retain information better, and my body feels better. I started this blog post mentioning weight loss and didn't touch on it since. As exciting as it is to see the scale go down, knowing I'm building muscle (achieving the elusive lean gain, fat loss objective), that's honestly only a bonus. 

(((Side note - Being active on Body Space, Bodybuilding.com's "social media" site has been extremely helpful for me. It has the opposite effect as other social media sites. It leaves me feeling encouraged and motivated. I strongly recommend it)))

Army Strong ...Eventually.

After years of talking about it (10.5 to be exact), I now am officially a commissioned officer in the United States Army. Hooah!

I am honored to report that I was selected for the prestigious HPSP (Health Professionals Scholarship Program) award, meaning I will be a "selective reservist" for the next two years, defend my dissertation, go to BOLC (Basic Officer Leadership Course), [hopefully] pass the EPPP (licencing exam), train in specialty courses, including SERE (Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape), and continue my  minimum three-year commitment as an active duty Clinical Psychologist. Enough acronyms for you?


Amidst all the celebrating (this really is a life-changing type of deal), my recruiter informed me I'd be doing a new type of physical they were testing. Instead of push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups, I did functional tasks like throwing a medicine ball, long jump, dead-lifts, and sprints. The first tasks were no problem. I even had a one rep max of 190 for DL, which isn't too bad considering I hadn't been doing any serious weight training.

Then the sprints.

Need I say more? Pathetic. Fortunately, it was "research," not for qualifying, but yeah, I would've failed. Hard.

I will beat it of course. The task of running back and forth, trying to beat the next beep... well it got me this time, but I won't be had again.

The problem is this "fat skinny" girl is no longer living up to her name. I have to admit I'm pretty much just an overweight girl now, logging in at 170, and less of it is muscle than I'd like to admit. 4 doctoral classes, practicum applications, creating a 150 page binder of death proving I've learned something this year, no sleep, 20-24 hours a week doing diagnostic work at a in-patient psychiatric unit, doing research one day a week at a local hospital, and trying to you know, eat or be social ever, all combined to create the perfect storm of an impossible, survival-mode semester. There are some other very serious things going on in my family too (f cancer).

In short, I don't blame myself.

I do, however, put some blame on this one company who I will not name since I'm associating myself with the Army in this post. Now, I am not usually a product basher, and I will gush over products I like (looking at you Coldeeze), but I have no problem criticizing this company. They are marketed as a meal delivery service that provides healthy options of protein and veggies in individually wrapped portions. It was recommended to me, and as a single grad student struggling to find time to blink, I thought it may be worth a try. Using a promotion I got a very good rate and even got free breakfasts thrown in. All and all I was saving time, money, and getting healthy options in the process. Win-win-win.

Wrong. I noticed I started gaining weight, but of course with so much going on it could easily be stress. Yet the weight gain did not stop, even as the workouts increased. So, I did what I should've done from the beginning: I looked up the nutrition facts. One tiny little mini omelet and sausage (surely turkey healthy sausage right?) contained 400 calories and 35g of fat. In context, that's at least half of my daily fat allowance. And it's tiny! They gave me specialty butters, which I naively assumed were like "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" and didn't think much of it. The instructions said I could have as much of them as I wanted! Notice the lack of carbs here (I was supplementing carbs on my own). This is the Adkins diet. 100%. No thank you. I was probably getting over 100g of fat ON A DAILY BASIS. No wonder I gained weight.

So now I'm back, as I often start, doing Jamie Eason's Live Fit training schedule. It simply works for me. Focusing on lifting, then introducing cardio, then more dynamic work outs just makes sense for my body type and what I like / can realistically commit to. When I'm in a hurry (ha, aka every day), I can manage to squeeze in her hour-long plan in as little as 30 minutes. I like that I don't have to plan what I'm doing, and I know that I'm hitting every area.

This time I'm using Body Space (2014dawn) to track my workouts, instead of a journal, to hold myself accountable. At most, I can only do 4 days a week because of my three 15 hour days each week this semester. I may not be doing the calendar exactly, but I'm doing it all the same.

When I'm done I'm going full Navy Seal training, using their integrated program to include sprints, endurance, HIIT, and strength. It's a solid layout, even if modified for my impossible schedule.

I'm also using my fitness pal (lisadisa) to keep track of general calories / macros. I made the settings based on what I know to be realistic for me, especially now that they let you set grams instead of percentages. No plan calls for 30% 30% 30%, but that's basically what mine is. I should probably cut down on fat, but this is about starting consistent, not depriving myself. Plus, my body will probably be on withdrawal after all that fat courtesy of the product that must not be named on this blog.

I'll be back on here too. It amps me up and motivates me to press on. With hard work and perseverance I am confident I can be the fat-skinny girl once more, and maybe, one day, really be what I would consider Army Strong. 💪

Round Two Because of the Tattoo

Hi.

This is the new tattoo. It requires a bathing suit or a razorback tank top to be seen.

I don't wear razer backs. Razorbacks show off where I carry my fat the most: my arms. Not to mention the back fat, the underarm fat, etc. etc.

But this tattoo is pretty sweet. It reads, "With quiet words I'll lead you in and out of the dark" and has a dove underneath. It represents peace, knowing things happen for a reason, and is a promise to all my future clients (I'm in graduate school for clinical psychology with a military emphasis. Hoping to work with trauma).

So now my dilemma. I want to show off this sucker, but that means arm fat.


Nope. That means getting back into the swing of things and tackling this beast again. Sure I've been in and out of the gym, gone on the occasional run, and haven't lost all of my hard earned muscle, but I"m not the fat skinny girl I once was.

Now I'm kind of like the power-lifting body that can't exactly lift much of anything. A lot of my bad ass strength has gone to the wayside.

BUT. I have a 10k, a wedding, and a triatholon coming up in 3 weeks, 1 month, and 3 months respectively. As Dr. Seuss said, "The time has come, the time is now."

So going back to the age old question. What now. What has worked? What hasn't? And what, for the love of God, can I do that I will stick to and be the fat skinny muscly under fat girl no longer.

Plan #1:

-Cardio first (yuck.) since I've got races and want to look little at the wedding. Er, uh, littlerish.
-Normal split of upper and lower. Whatever feels right that day. Not going to be strict.
-Conscious dieting. I will curl over and die if I try anything strict. I LOVE FOOD. And counting calories is also a death sentence for me.

That's it. KISS. Keep it Simple Sweetheart. Let's start there. Wish me luck!

Back to the Future

Quick Boring Recap:
I've lifted off and on my whole adult life, but only started following any real system in March. In July or August I found my niche in power lifting and have geared my workouts more inline with that. However, I am anticipating possibly shipping out to basic training with the Army National Guard in the winter, so I've been investing in more traditional cardio than your average power lifter.

Quick Boring PR Stats:
Squat: 135

Quick Decent PR Stats:
Deadlift: 185 (Actually very exciting for me. Goal was to get those 25s on the bar. Now I'm shooting for two 45s!)

Quick Good PR Stats:
Bench: 120

Quick article link (not sure how reliable this is) that shows about where those numbers fall


The above can be explained pretty easily. Bench  Press had a head start - I have always liked bench and could always go "heavy" for a girl... as in 10s on the bar. Ha. Dead lifts were a whole new animal for me so I was starting from scratch. Finally, I never did squats right apparently, so they started behind. As the other two lifts progressed, I spent a lot of time working on body weight squats.

Still. Considering I haven't been training very long, I'm pretty freaking happy with how things are going. I'm especially encouraged by the fact that I'm not training with anyone, with a coach, or at a specifically lifting focused gym. I train because I enjoy it. As a former cheerleader and sorority girl, it's empowering to maintain my girliness while embracing something focused on strength.  I believe feminine only means weak if you let it. 

Sappiness aside, it would be nice to have a spotter, someone watching my form, a workout plan geared towards me specifically, and a gym with more than one freaking squat rack. And if I could not have a million people staring at me whenever I do any of it that would be great. I mean, it's freaking awesome when you're approached by a stranger asking if you need a spot and you can reply "this is my warm up." Sure, that's a major confidence boost, but there's going to be a point when my pre supp isn't enough to push me forward. Eventually I will need help in order to compete, which I think is actually a realistic goal.

Excited about where I've been and where I'm going!!

Lifting: A Love Story.

Dearest Weight Room,

Our recent separation was so difficult. Thank you for allowing me to go my own way for a little while. My sore overworked muscles needed the break, but I promise to never let it happen again. I'm a poor lost soul without you.

I foolishly thought our separation would be fun and productive. I quickly learned that without your constant nagging and desperate need to control every aspect of my life, I spend my days on Netflix watching True Blood. Sure, I was finally able to have a social life when we weren't exclusive, but I couldn't help thinking of you whenever I went out.

But I'm back baby!

I know things have been rocky the past couple weeks. Seeing you after a three week hiatus was difficult. I was maxing out with my usual warm ups and my endurance was shot. I know you were embarrassed by my weakness and that I'm not the woman I once was, but I hope you've seen me working hard to get it back. Maybe one day you can forgive me and forget this whole thing.

I do think we've learned a valuable lesson in all this though. We need some time away from each other during the week. Don't worry, my life will still revolve around you, but time apart is important. And we have to be okay if I cancel our plans once in a while. It's not that I don't want to be with you, things just come up. That's life. I'll be thinking of you the whole time. If it helps, know that whatever it is, I'd probably rather be with you.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder and I've found my love for you has grown and matured during my time away. I've come to a deeper appreciation for the challenges and benefits of a committed relationship with you. I know some people think that hanging out with other types of workouts isn't appropriate, but I'm going to have to be with Cardio sometimes. We both know it's important for me, especially since I may be going to army basic training in a couple months. We just need to build trust; I'm not cheating on you. You don't need to be jealous of Cardio. Let's be honest, Cardio's got nothing on you.

I've also gained a deeper appreciation for your friend Dieting. No, I will never get along with your crazy buddy Miracle Diet, who forces you to starve yourself and promises a loss of 2000 inches in 5 seconds. But I really like your friend Day To Day, who builds his diet around a rainbow of vegetables, some fruits, and lean proteins. During my time away from you, I gained 2 pounds. Single does not look good on me. But I started eating better before I came back to you and that helped me get back to the normal 160lbs (still wish I could drop lower, but thank you for accepting me as I am and valuing lean gains as a means of fat loss).

I'm excited for what the future holds for us and for all the PRs we will experience together.

With all my heart,

The Fat-Skinny Girl <3

Why Was 6 Afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.

Bench.
Step-Ups.

Decline bench.
Step-ups.

Incline bench.
Step-Ups.

Narrow Grip Bench.
Step-Ups.

Okay I'm done.

Jamie Eason and Jim Stoppani have interesting programs that have certainly taught me a lot about the weight lifting world. These programs have revolutionized my lifestyle and I owe a lot to them. And now I'm done.

I didn't really officially finish Jim's program; it kind of fizzled out towards the last couple weeks. I was over-training, not stretching enough, and pretty much pissed off every muscle group in my body.

But I learned a lot! ...Mostly the value of stretching.

Here's a quick breakdown of things I've come to understand the past couple months. Some of it may seem painfully obvious to any of you with real experience that happen to be reading the blog, but too bad. I'm still a beginner in this game and it was all news to me:

Squats - Some people are just anatomically different and therefore must squat differently (http://themovementfix.com/the-best-kept-secret-why-people-have-to-squat-differently/). However, for the most part, you should get down to 90 degrees or more, keep your back straight with chest up (looking up helps a lot), weight on the heel/sides of feet, feet slightly pointed out, and arch your back aka stick out your butt. There are also stretches / specific strength training techniques that help build to a better squat (http://www.t-nation.com/training/squat-like-you-mean-it). Finally, I learned why people train with olympic squatting shoes, but olympic lifters wear chucks.

Active Rests and Super Sets - An excellent addition to a work out, but counterproductive to PRs or really heavy lifting in general. A lot of lifters start with low rep - high weight sets on a couple key lifts, then supplement with high rep - low weight lifts for the rest of the work out. I think I'm going emulate that, incorporating AR and SS into the mix for the non-heavy stuff.

Diet - Diet, diet, diet. Whew, there are a lot of theories out there! IT'S OVERWHELMING!!! That being said, I'm pretty obsessed with the take-home message from Testosterone Nation's many articles on the subject. They pretty much say that everyone is different in their body type, hormonal composition, commitment levels, current habits, and time capabilities. AKA there's no one stop shop that's going to work well for everyone. Even if something may work well for you, it's irrelevant if you can't commit. For example, I'm fairly convinced that carb cycling is worth a go, but I am most certainly not ready for that yet. T-Nation encourages the trial and error method to see what does work, but they're quick to point out that the common man would probably benefit if he just cut out the crap and made better choices overall. And they're probably right. I'm mostly there. But, as the entry entitled "The Skinny Fat Girl... Part 2" explains, I've got a long way to go and I've hit a plateau. Simply eating good foods isn't enough. Time to experiment.

• Intermittent Fasting - I'm taking this for a spin first because it fits my schedule and my eating style. If you've read any of my posts, I think it's clear that I love food. Like... a lot. So my portion sizes tend to be bigger and 6 meals a day is rough for me. The 6 meal strategy dictates that you eat more of less, but that doesn't go so well. I eat more of more. And, eating more frequently trains your body to expect food all the time.
• 
   What am I supposed to say to my body when I stay up late and I get legitimately hungry for the 7th time that day? Or the 8th? Or the 9th? (I work a 2nd job at a restaurant in the evenings. No amount of will power can say no to boneless wings when 9th hunger comes around and you've already said no to the 7th and 8th. [cue the title of this entry]) There are some potential health benefits, both body comp related and otherwise, so it's worth a shot. Fun fact - the mitochondria in your kidney?? have trouble dividing well and a fasted period allows them to focus on division rather than function. <<very unscientific fun fact. I remember reading about some study on it in a book a few months back. Here's a very unscientific article a quick google search pulled up http://draxe.com/intermittent-fasting-benefits/  I don't feel like finding a better one lol. 
• Take home: At the very least, it will stop me from mindlessly eating at night - a very real problem. It will reprogram my body to not be hungry every few hours - a very real problem. It will save me time in the morning, when I'm already rushing to get to work - a very real problem. It will save me time on meal prep in my super busy schedule - a very real problem. And, it could potentially have all these other health benefits like longer life, hormone regulation, and other relatively unimportant stuff compared to looking good. I kid, I kid.

I am by no means "anti program" now, but I'm ready to fly out on my own. Sort of. I'm probably going to use some pull-up and army training guides.

Oh yeah, PS, I'm probably joining the Army Naitonal Guard and I can do dips now. ha, nbd.

She Got a Donk

I have finally figured out how to do a squat to 90 degrees (or more) without taking a bow.

You gotta pop that butt out.

No, but really. Once I watched "So You Think You Can Squat" parts 1 and 2 on youtube (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ME8gEN54Ao), I tried some things out. I could not get over the difference between a squat where my booty is tooched and when it isn't. I can actually stay up fairly straight!! Yes, I know you're supposed to pick a spot on the wall ~30 degrees above eye level to keep you upper back from drooping under the weight, but even with that technique and no barbell, I couldn't do a squat without bending forward almost parallel to the ground. 

But! (pun intenteded) When I create that arch in my back my form improves 100%. 

So drop it like its hot and go do some squats. 

The Fat Skinny Girl... Part 2

The other day I stepped on the scale only to find that once again, my weight had hit 160. I tried running to the body fat percent devise for reassurance, only to see a number larger than before. WTF. Granted, the devise I used was different than the one I had been using to track my progress, but still. WTF.

This was discouraging. And when I say discouraging, I mean knocked down, what the hell more can I possibly do?? discouraging. I felt like all the hard work from the past few weeks was null and void.

But then I got a couple unsolicited compliments:
"Wow, you look like you've lost so much since the last time I've seen you [2 weeks ago]."
"I can't get over how much you've lost in the past few months. You look so toned and healthy."

Ladies, ladies, please. I've lost zero.

Of course my body fat has gone down tremendously and clothes fit better and yadda yadda yadda. But there is something psychologically driving about seeing the scale go down. Naturally, lifting as much as I do involves forming muscle, especially when I'm packing in creatine and protein like it's my job. However, I'm at the point where I'd like to start burning fat faster than I'm putting on muscle.

Fortunately, I've entered the reduced calorie, carb-cycling phase of Jim Stoppani's program. I am now doing around 1650 calories and 70g of carbs 6 days a week and one day of >200g carbs (I can't wait for that day, Jersey Mikes, I'm looking at you).  I don't know how much good the carb-cycling will do because there's not much research that I can find to support it (granted, there's not much research against it either), but the reduced calorie diet is probably the ticket.

Ummmm..... okay hold on. No crap. Cutting calories is obviously the solution. The reason I've not been seeing the scale drop is that I've been eating too many dang calories. End of story. I haven't been excessive, but I haven't been creating that deficit. I've been going by the "hunger" principle of if you're hungry, that's your body saying 'hey, I need more calories.' Okay sure, that may be true, but there's a few issues with this:

Sometimes your body is really saying, 'hey, I'm thirsty.' Sometimes your body is really saying 'hey, I want a tiny snack, not another meal,' and sometimes it's just your body being whiny because it's used to being spoiled, but really, it's fine and doesn't need any more nutrients, macro or micro.

I ignored the whines for the first time two days ago. I drank some water and eventually gave in with some celery (yeah, I know, I sound like an anorexic teenage girl). The thing is, I knew I had enough calories for the day and I knew every calorie had contributed essential vitamins and minerals. It wasn't like I had reached my daily goal by eating 3 donuts; everything I ate was chock-full of (insert things I've heard my nutritionist father say, but I couldn't explain if my life depended on it [such as flavonoids, phytochemicals, and polyphenols]). Basically, if I ate, I would be satisfying my body's habit of breaking even. I had to be the parent telling their toddler no. I had to be the mean owner taking their cat to the vet. I had to be the kid studying in the library when everyone else was at a raging keger. I had to be tough and stick it out.

Today is day 3 of being tough. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

I Got 99 Problems, but a Bench Ain't One.

The Festivus in July (see what I did there?) will begin with the airing of grievances. 

I got a lot of problems and you're all going to hear about it. 

1.) If planet fitness has a bigger weight section than you, just close shop now. Thanks.

2.) Working out on the road is difficult. You put all this effort into traveling, you want to make the most of your time exploring and/or being social. This past week I went to Soccorro New Mexico for a work training. I didn't know anyone and wanted to make friends fast... but there was the gym calling my name. Fortunately, I was able to combine the three and went running with a group of guys through the mountains. Score. That only lasted a day though. They just wanted to drink the other days. Can't say I blame them. 

3.) Speaking of drinking, it's really depressing that alcohol packs so many empty calories. I've cut back a lot, but I really miss my glass (or bottle) of wine at night, my craft beers, and my good old whiskey.

4.) Cookies are way too delicious. Especially when you're sitting in training all day and need a midday pick-me-up. Take it from me, apples, protein bars, and hard boiled eggs don't cut it. Not when there's cookies around the corner. (I only had one cookie and 1/2 a pastry from the snack table this past week in NM. Will power!) 

5.) I understand why Achilles was taken out by being shot in the heel. Seriously, that hurts! My right leg, just under the calf, starting bothering me yesterday at the gym. Pretty sure I've strained my Achilles tendon. Great. This probably means I need to start stretching more.

6.) I have a love hate relationship with stretching. On the one hand, I love doing it. On the other, I always run out of time and forget to do it in the car, shower, or wherever I tell myself it'll happen. One day I stretched in the sauna and it was heavenly. Basically hot yoga without all the creepers. But seriously, ain't nobody got time for that. 

And now as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength.

I guess everyone has their best lift. Mine is definitely not squats. I struggle to get down to 90 degrees without any weight, let alone with a loaded up bar. It's just not natural. I'm not saying I'm alone in this, it's just that other things came so much easier. Bench presses, for example, are like second nature and always have been. I asked for a spot from a rando yesterday for the first time because I knew exactly how much I could do and I knew it would be a struggle. I have no such sense of clarity when it comes to squats. So that's the mission. Learn how to do a freaking squat so I'm not one of those top heavy triangle people you see. >>>

Stop crying and fight your father. 

Fear Factor

Flash back a few years:

I'm nervously following my good friend Kate through a sea of benches and free weights in the RPAC (Ohio State's main gym). She acts like this is nothing, as if she doesn't notice the curious glances from the men we pass. We walk up to a machine I can only describe as a "cage," she loads on some heavy weights, and starts busting out squats. Then it's my turn. I can't believe what I'm doing... am I even allowed over here?

Back to the present:

Last week I learned how to properly do a clean and press, I maxed my bench out at 115, and I started an "expert" level program from bodybuilding.com. But pshhh, it 'aint no thang.

But really, it isn't that big of a deal. A quick glance back at the entry titled "Throwing up at the Jym" will show that I was pretty nervous about the program, but I've knocked out four days already and am going strong. I've even kept up with the macros fairly well!

I used to say that Kate could go into the weight room "without fear" and it was such a novel, impressive trait. Now I don't even think twice about it. When I was trying out Lifetime, the sales rep saw me jumping rope in the weights area. He quickly ran over, really worried that I had been forced there for lack of space elsewhere. No, I had to explain, I'm just doing an active rest in between sets. Boom.

I wonder what my past self would say about the present version? Past Lisa would probably judge the present one.

But who cares? That Lisa thought 30 minutes of moderate intensity elliptical time could justify a 36 oz jumbo margarita, bottomless chips, and a fajita dinner loaded with sour cream. Cazuelas, my college pregaming hot spot, I will always love you for your $7.99 giant margarita gifts to humanity. But I've moved on.

I am now a creatine taking, protein packing, macros counting, workout machine that steams right into the weight room "without fear." (rocking my cute pink tennis shoes and headband of course.)

Bubbly about Try

WARNING: Sappy female cliche body image post - had to do it though.

Just want to give props to Colbie Caillat for her new video 'Try.'

Body image is an issue that 100% of my female friends have dealt with. I work out to eat because I love food more than just about anything and could never part from it. Sadly, I know way too many people who have tried, or are currently on, crazy extreme diets just to get thin. Heck, despite my obsession with eating, I've done a crazy thing or two (darn you hydroxycut and your mood swinging ways). And it's not just girls. Worse, many of these men and women look fantastic and are likely suffering from body dysmorphia. Sometimes I wonder if I deal with it too. I think we all probably do to some degree, at least at some point. 

Colbie Caillat's 'Try' video shows various women singing the lyrics to her new song. The words are powerful: "When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you? .... You don't have to try so hard. You don't have to bend until you break"

The women all start with copious amounts of makeup and through the course of the video, remove the weaves, the wigs, the make-up, etc. and are natural. 

Okay don't get me wrong, I love make-up. I really, really love make-up. I love putting it on and experimenting.

The reason this song is so powerful is that it encourages people to like who they are, where they are, in the now. You don't have to be satisfied! You can always want more. That's where lifting comes in for me. But, just because I have goals for an improved me, doesn't mean I should dislike who I am in the process of getting there. 

Food for thought. Thanks Colbie. 

If anyone's interested:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8

Throwing Up at the Jym

I am starting Jim Stoppani's Six Weeks to Shred fat burning program today. Kind of terrified - it's pretty legit. However, after a lot of searching and planning, I felt like this was a good fit for me. I had considered just doing my own thing, instead of starting another program, but I think I need one big push before I get to that point. Jamie Eason's program got me going and motivated, but I know I could've seen more improvement. I didn't really follow her diet plan, I just made an attempt at eating better. I cheated a lot. Like... a lot. I'm going to do my best to follow Jim's guidelines and actually attempt the macros. All workouts aside, I feel like if I actually stick to an eating plan I'd see pretty remarkable results because my body wouldn't know what to do with itself. It'll start wondering where all the ice cream and french fries have gone and hopefully start devouring the fat around my tummy out of spite.

I went ahead and bought the "Pre-Jym" mix that costs an arm and a leg, but only has 20 servings worth. Boo. I was totally a sucker for advertising; the more Jim talked about the science behind his products, the more convinced I became that you'd be an absolute fool not to buy them. Let's face it, talk nerdy to me and I melt. I probably should've checked out some of the studies he cited and looked for empirical data that backs his claims, but that advertising was too dang good.

By buying this expensive product with zero dollars to my name, I will be trying creatine out for the first time. Man, s*** just got real. I know creatine isn't like a steriod or anything, and it can actually be used to treat depression and all sorts of medical issues, but it kind of feels like I'm going to be popping roids now.  If I start looking like she-man in a few weeks, anyone who reads this blog will know why.

However, I may not have the opportunity to make it that far. After looking over some of the comments on the Day 1 work out page, I've come to the conclusion that this program is going to kill me. Several people talked about nausea and one dude even threw up at the gym! He actually had to run out of the weight room and get sick into the sink because he couldn't make it to the stalls. This is my future ladies and gentlemen, in T minus 1 hour.

So blogging world, if I kick the bucket today here are my final words: it will be a pleasure to know I was killed in the pursuit of a good chest, tris and abs.

Here we go. Day 1.


***UPDATE***
There actually were a few moments I felt queasy. I was doing pretty well till I hit the dips and my first rep started to bring up that expensive PreJym supp. Overall though, it's a great program and I'm really happy I'm doing it. I mean, the amount of sweat on my body puts Niagra Falls to shame, but that's attractive right?

Best News Ever.

According to Jim Stoppani, a little bit of glucose on your way out of the gym is actually beneficial to work out recovery!

"...after a workout you need to supplement with high-glycemic carbs to replenish glycogen. That way you'll have enough energy for your next workout. I recommend gummy bears and Wonka Pixy Stix because they are mainly made of glucose, which your body easily turns into glycogen.
These carbs will also quickly spike your insulin levels and drive nutrients into your hungry muscles. This helps with recovery, repair, and muscle growth. Another great and easy option is pure dextrose powder."

Did he just say to eat gummy bears?? This guys is full of crap right? What crazy site is this dude from?

Bodybuilding.com actually. And he's got quite the resume:

PhD: Exercise physiology with a minor in biochemistry - University of Connecticut.
Post Doc:  John B. Pierce Laboratory and Department of Cellular and Molecular Physiology - Yale University School of Medicine

For more:
http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/jim-stoppani.htm
http://www.jimstoppani.com/more-workout

I think most of us know that you need protein after a workout to rebuild the muscles you've torn (<- not an injury, your muscle tears when you lift and the rebuilding is what adds size). But simple carbs like sugar?? I have actually heard the phrase “replenish your glycogen” quite a bit in my life. My dad is a research professor at OSU in the human nutrition department and any time eating was delayed following a work out he’d impatiently whine that he had to replenish his glycogen… like I had any idea what that meant. Eventually I started saying it too. Still didn't know what it means.

Still don’t really fully understand it, but what I do know is that it’s an excuse to indulge in something sweet!

Okay, not really, because if you do a protein powder that has some sugar you may have gotten what you need.

But still.

**Addendum made on 1/9/18: following my post entitled "Sweet Science" it is worth noting the difference between glucose and other forms of sugar. I was glad to look back and see that I had specified which form of sugar was recommended. Fructose, for example, will not have this same effect.

The Post-Holiday Push

Calories don't count on holidays. I am certain of this.

However, indulging in whatever happens to come your way during the weekend comes at a cost (yes, the 4th fell on a Friday this year, but it's a whole weekend thing. Let's throw in Thursday too for kicks). The price I mentioned has nothing to do with the extra calories you've packed in, forget about those. You've earned it! If you put on an extra pound who cares? Yes, I'm saying who cares!

The real trouble is getting back into the routine of diet and exercise. It takes a lot of time and effort to get into these good habits and I feel like it breaks down once you get a big taste of whatever your vice may be. Mine's craft beers and bear claws. Choosing a nice thick porter over the watered down taste of a Yingling Light felt amazing and seriously Panera's bear claws should be illegal...



Side note - I recognize these aren't fourth of July-ish type treats so let me clarify: I also consumed plenty of things under the traditional umbrella of hot dogs, apple pie, and freedom. 'Murica.
 


Having acknowledged this struggle, I can embrace how ridiculous it is. No bear claw, no matter how delicious, leaves me feeling the way a work out does. I almost said 'no food tastes as good as skinny feels' to quote the highly controversial statement made famous by the model Kate Moss. While this quote has anorexia undertones, it can be taken another way - the way I use it. Healthier choices and balanced diets leave me feeling amazing. Throw exercise into the mix and you have an endorphin packed, well fueled, happy body. And man, let's not forget the self-confidence boost when you put on clothing and it fits better than it ever has before. Better yet, the feeling when the clothes fit worse because they're just too big now. Amazing.

Bear claws of the world, you will be missed. But your high sugar content leaves me with an insulin spike that's just not worth it.

Grilled chicken, eggs, rice, and veggies.... I'm back!

Proteins, and carbs, and fats, oh my!

What should my specific macros look like for fat loss?

• According to IIFYM (http://iifym.com/iifym-calculator/])
• My total caloric use is: 2276
• Calories to consume for fat loss: 1821
• Carbs: 195.5g
• Protein: 151g
• Fat: 48.3g

• According to MacroFit (http://macrofit.com/macro-calculator/)
• My total caloric use is: 2371
• Calories to consume for fat loss: 2134
• Carbs: 187g
• Protein: 160g
• Fat: 83g

• According to Body Building (http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/ask-the-ripped-dude-magical-macronutrient-ratio-for-fat-loss.html) and (http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/issa64.htm)
• My total caloric use is: 2457
• Calories to consume for fat loss: 1821
• Carbs: 114g
• Protein:159g
• Fat: 81g

• According to My Fitness Pal (http://www.myfitnesspal.com/account/new_goals)
• My total caloric use is: ----
• Calories to consume for fat loss: 1451
• Carbs: 150g
• Protein:60g
• Fat: 40g

WHAAAAAAAAT?????

The Fat Skinny Girl

They told me I could be anything!

But I will never be the skinny-fat girl. Ever. Even if skinny fatness was my life's passion, I could not, no matter how hard I tried, diet my way to thin. Okay, maybe I could... but realistically my bone structure, my genetics, and quite frankly, my will power, make it highly unlikely.

What I can be, on the other hand, is a fat-skinny and let me tell you, I'm good at being that.

Before I go on, let's break it down:

Our weight is only one piece of a much bigger puzzle. Sure, it shows you mass (unless you're cool enough to be in space), which can be a decent estimate of your general health. For example, if you're a 300 pound female, you've got some work to do. HOWEVER, weight can be very, very deceptive. I REPEAT!!! Don't trust the scale, especially if you're eating well and working out consistently. And definitely don't trust the scale if you've started lifting.

So what can you trust? Well, I'd love to say that there's an easy, super reliable system. But there's not. Taking measurements is a great way to track progress, but you have to be careful to measure in the exact same place each time; the area above and below your belly button are going to give you very different numbers. Also, if you're trying to burn off fat by building muscle (a great strategy by the way), you might not see the numbers drop as much as you'd like because hey, you're building up some guns!

Body fat percent is an even better mark of progress, in my humble opinion, but it can be tricky. Unless you have a  Hydrostatic Underwater Weighing devise lying around, it will be difficult to find an accurate percentage. Your best bet is to go into the gym and see if they've got something that tests it electronically. My gym, LA Fitness, has little hand held devises sitting out by the offices. I was told they were pretty accurate: only a 3% variance in either direction a.k.a. 6% variance a.k.a. not accurate at all. Cool. But since these things are calibrated, hopefully, using the same one each time will probably give you proportionate numbers. Therefore if during week 1 your reading says 35.4%, and week 12 says 24.3%, it is not unreasonable to announce proudly on Facebook that you dropped your body fat percent by 11.1%!!! ...Or maybe it is and I should stop posting things on social media.

Any way, back to the skinny-fat, fat-skinny discussion.

Some people look really skinny, but awkwardly still have cellulite and get out of breath walking from the couch to their potato chips in the kitchen. These people kill me. Either they are ungodly lucky and have the metabolism of a vacuum, or they diet like crazy and posses a will power I will never understand. These people look fit, but aren't. Just because they're skinny, doesn't mean they're healthy. Low weight, high body fat percent. Not good.

I on the other hand, seem perpetually locked into this 160 pound body. That's pretty heavy for a 5'5" girl. No, doctors aren't running in telling me I'm in danger and must loose weight ASAP to survive, and no little kid is going to point at me and say, "hey look at the fat girl mommy," but 160 isn't light.

I am a much, much healthier 160 now than I was 3 months ago however. As eluded to before, my body fat percent was 35.4 and now it's reading around 24.3! Clearly a lot of the old fat got burned off and replaced by some kick ass muscle. Even at my heaviest though, I had signs of a 6-pack. No, I'm not kidding, I had four chubby little squares that bulged out and there were clearly defined lines forming the rest. Instead of one pudge hanging under my belly button, I had two. It was weird. Now that I've dropped some of "the blerch" as the Oatmeal (look him up) likes to call it, I look slightly less odd. Hurray!

And so that's me. I'm the fat-skinny girl. And I'm pretty freaking proud of it.

And Let Me Introduce to You, the One and Only Lisa D.

Hello. 

My name is Lisa and I like to lift.